The Invisible Operating System

Every home has one.

It isn't the person who earns the most. Or the one who speaks the loudest. Or makes the family decisions.

It's the invisible operating system. It runs quietly in the background, executing hundreds of tiny processes that no one notices because, well, they are not supposed to notice them. Like every good operating system, it is expected to boot up before everyone else, remember everything, crash never, and recover instantly after every update.

The curious thing about operating systems is that people only become aware of them when they stop working. The same is true of homes. 

For the longest time, I had convinced myself that I simply had to improve my time management skills. Every health article I read cheerfully advised me to "find thirty minutes for myself." Walk. Run. Exercise. Stretch. Meditate. I wanted to know where these mythical thirty minutes lived.

So one morning last week, I decided to audit my day. 

5.30 a.m. The operating system boots.

Indian breakfasts have to be fresh because idlis & dosas with their side accompaniments are rather unforgiving without advance planning. One son leaves for school, with a neatly packed box for his morning break. The other one has a hurried breakfast and picks up his lunchbox and rushes to catch his college bus.

By then, my mother's breakfast & diabetic protein drink need to be ready. Her caregiver needs her dose of strong tea to get her morning going. 

The househelp arrives. The breakfast table must be cleared before she can wash the dishes. The washing machine has already begun its cycle. Vegetables need chopping. Our presswala appears & waits for the weekly clothes bundle to be counted and given. My OH prepares his herbal tea. Househelp wants fresh cleaning supplies. Emails & messages are answered between pressure cooker whistles and a hurriedly gobbled breakfast.

By ten in the morning, I finally sit down.

For exactly long enough to realise that it's almost time to prepare my Amma's mid-day fresh juice before starting to cook her lunch for the day. She likes that I serve it personally. At my stage of life, I know that such requests are not interruptions. They are love, wearing the slightly demanding clothes of old age.

By evening, the house has changed shifts but not pace. The boys arrive in periodic breaks and are looking for a light snack before dinner time. 

A 100 things are waiting to be set right. The folded laundry waits to be stashed away. 

Payments to staff and other monthly essentials wait. 

Insurance renewals + Tax Returns + Banking tasks wait.

Clients & Partners presentations wait.

The Agentic AI course I signed up for (on a spur of the moment) waits.  

The blog post that has been forming in my head all day waits.

Somewhere in between all this, I am expected to remember that I have a body which apparently deserves a brisk walk. I laughed at the absurdity of my own audit.

It wasn't that I had failed to make time for exercise. I had mistaken a capacity problem for a time problem. Then came another realisation.

Every sentence I had written about my day began with someone else's name.

My son. My mother. The househelp. The cook. My husband.

Not once had I unconsciously written, "At nine o'clock, I..."

It dawned on me that I had quietly become the operating system of my home.

Not out of sacrifice. Not out of martyrdom.

Simply because families, over time, develop their own rhythm. One person remembers that the curd is running low. Another knows where the passport is. Someone instinctively checks if there is enough coffee powder. Someone notices that the detergent is almost over before anyone else does.

These are not chores. They are background processes. Homes run on them.

No one applauds background processes. Nor should they.  

If every successful breakfast required a standing ovation, we'd never leave the dining table. But every once in a while, it helps when someone notices.

The other day, my elder son said, quite casually, "Amma, you remind me of Donna from Suits." I laughed.

Donna Paulsen is the woman who quietly keeps everything running while everyone else takes the smooth functioning for granted. It was perhaps the nicest compliment I have received in years.

Not because he compared me to a popular fictional character. But because, hidden inside that remark, was something every invisible operating system secretly longs to hear.

"I see you."

Yet, this is not a story about the invisible work. At least, not entirely.

It is about seasons. It is about a phase of life. 

There will come a morning when no one needs a lunchbox. The dining table will need only two plates instead of four. The washing machine will no longer begin before sunrise. The kitchen will be quieter.

My mornings will finally have those elusive 15 minutes of hot filter kaapi.

Perhaps I'll even take that walk everyone has been recommending. I think I'll enjoy it.

I also think, somewhere along that walk, I'll miss the chaos I once wished would slow down.

I'll miss the hurried footsteps searching for the blue sweatshirt five minutes before leaving.

I'll miss the college bag flung casually on the chair. I'll even miss someone asking, "Amma, what's for breakfast?" 

Life has an odd sense of humour. It grants us leisure only after taking away the reasons we longed for it.

So if you, too, are in this strange season of life, where your days seem to belong to everyone except you, hang in there.

Not because it gets better. Not because one day you'll have more time. But because one day the operating system will have fewer processes to run.

The house will become wonderfully efficient. And unexpectedly quiet.

Until then, pack the lunchbox. Set the plates on the table. 

Listen patiently to the story you've heard before. Complain about your aching feet if you must.

Then look around. This chaos is not permanent. 

Neither is the privilege of being at the centre of it.

[Old Post from 2009] Are You Cursed With Knowledge?

From the archives: This post was written many years ago and somehow remained in my drafts. I've published it now with only minimal edits, so it reflects the thoughts and context of that time. Some ideas, I suppose, are worth revisiting.

*******************************

Sheila meets her college friend after a long time. During the conversation, she casually asks for her friend’s Twitter handle and, in response, gets a blank look. ‘What is a Twitter handle supposed to be?’ Sheila is flummoxed and surprised that her friend doesn’t follow her. She is unable to come up with the right words to explain the concept of microblogging to her friend. There seems to be a sudden disconnect. Her friend mistakes the silence for a condescending attitude on Sheila’s behalf.

Imagine explaining the internet to your grandmother or a photocopier to a five-year-old. For that matter, few people find it difficult to give out clear directions despite knowing a route very well. It bewilders them that someone could ask for something so elementary. This is the curse of knowledge. A concept arrived at from lots of research in economics and psychology, which shows that when we know something, it becomes very difficult to imagine not knowing it. Hence, our communication of this knowledge suffers. In extreme cases, the curse of knowledge could trigger communication failure and even strain relationships. There are several references, books, and opinions by various people on this subject.

Today, the world of business, which relies mainly on communication, is not far from being affected by the curse of knowledge. This might be a barrier to successful negotiations, because it leads us to falsely believe that our “subtle” signals are being received correctly by the other.

Try tapping out a popular song such as “Happy Birthday to You” or, better still, a widely popular Bollywood number and ask your friend across the table to guess it. In all probability, she wouldn’t even come close to guessing the song. This might seem bewildering, but when you tapped, the tune was all the while playing in your head. On the other hand, all that your friend heard was the staccato of taps. This is a classic example of the curse of knowledge, inferred from a study conducted by Elizabeth Newton in the 1990s at Stanford.

This can be extrapolated to the fact that most marketing campaigns, be it direct mailers, flyers, brochures or mail-orders, evince little or no response from the target audience. In most cases, it's not the delivery vehicle but the quality and clarity of the message it carries.

As the authors of Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die Chip & Dan Heath say, the greatest cruelty of knowledge lies in the fact that the better we get at generating great ideas—new insights and novel solutions—in our field of expertise, the more unnatural it becomes for us to communicate those ideas clearly. That’s why knowledge is a curse.

As most curses go, there is a cure for the curse of knowledge too. The trick lies in maintaining a fresh perspective like the one who is seeing for the first time. :)

Would You Choose to Live in Simpler Times?

 Saturday mornings have a rhythm of their own.

They are reserved for the weekly visit to the local market, buying vegetables and groceries, washing and sorting them, and prepping everything ready for the week ahead. Weekdays are a blur of lunch boxes, breakfast, school, and work. So, this weekly ritual makes life a little less hectic.

Like most weekends, there was music playing in the background. Old Hindi film songs. The kind that instantly transport you to another era.

As one song followed another, I found myself wondering about the actors on screen and the people who lived through those decades. When these songs were filmed, could anyone have imagined the world we live in today? Smartphones, AI, Ubers and 10-minute deliveries...Video calls with someone sitting thousands of miles away. The central conflict due to miscommunication in those movies could've been solved in a matter of minutes. 

To them, all of this would probably have sounded like science fiction.

I shared this thought with my OH. He smiled and differed in his view.

"Those were simpler times," he said. "People were happier. Life wasn't ruled by instant gratification, endless notifications, or the pressure to always be connected."

It was a fair point.

It also made me ask myself a question. If I had the choice, would I actually want to live in those times?

Surprisingly, my answer was no.

I enjoy revisiting the past through its music. I smile at old photographs. I love hearing stories from that generation. But I wouldn't want to give up the conveniences, opportunities, and possibilities that today's world offers.

In fact, I've noticed something else. As much as I admire old cinema, I rarely have the patience to sit through an entire classic film anymore. Somewhere along the way, my mind has adapted to a different pace. Not necessarily a better one, just a different one.

And that led me to another thought.

Perhaps knowledge changes us in ways we don't fully appreciate. Once you've experienced a new way of living, thinking, or doing things, it is incredibly difficult to return to not knowing it. You cannot unknow electricity, the internet, antibiotics, GPS, or AI. The mind resists going back because its idea of "normal" has shifted. 

Maybe that's why every generation romanticizes the one before it. We remember what was beautiful about the past while conveniently forgetting its limitations.

The past deserves our affection. It gave us timeless music, enduring relationships, and memories worth preserving. The present deserves our gratitude. It has given us tools that have made life safer, faster, healthier, and more connected than our grandparents could have imagined.

 

Once you've experienced a new way of living, the mind finds it almost impossible to return to not knowing it.

Perhaps the answer isn't choosing one over the other. Maybe it's carrying forward the warmth, patience, and human connections of simpler times while making the best use of the remarkable world we live in today.

After all, progress is not the enemy of nostalgia. The two can coexist quite beautifully. Right? 

When Life Comes Full Circle

No one really prepares you for the quiet heartbreak of watching your parents grow old.

As children, we believe they are invincible. They are the ones who always know what to do. They carry the family through every storm, make difficult decisions look effortless, and somehow find the strength to be everyone else's anchor.

My Amma has always been that person for me.

She stood by me through every phase of my life. She celebrated my victories, comforted me through disappointments, welcomed my husband into our family, and was there to witness the birth of my children. She helped raise them with the same patience and love she had shown to her daughters. The woman who woke up before dawn every single day, effortlessly running a bustling household, now struggles with something as simple as getting dressed.

Watching that change is an emotional burden unlike any other.

This is the same proud woman who raised two daughters to be independent, capable, and strong-willed. She taught us to face life with courage, to learn continuously, and never to lose hope, whatever the circumstances. To see her body gradually give way while her spirit still tries to hold on is difficult to accept.

How does one come to terms with it? You know your time together is limited. Yet knowing that does not make it any easier. Perhaps that is why I find myself treasuring the smallest moments.

The sparkle in her eyes as she enjoys an occasional sugar-free kulfi with the delight of a little child.

The laughter that follows when she mistakes my husband for her grandson.

Her insistence on taking a cold water bath during Margazhi despite everyone's protests.

Her determination to observe Ekadashi fast, even when we gently remind her that she no longer needs to.

There are mood swings. There are stubborn moments too. There are days of frustration for both of us. Caring for an aging parent often feels strangely familiar. In many ways, it resembles taking care of a young child. You remind them to eat. You help them remember names. You persuade them to take their medicines. You celebrate the smallest victories.

Life has a remarkable way of coming full circle. 

As children, our parents held our hands until we were steady enough to walk on our own. One day, almost without warning, the roles reverse. We become the steady hands.

It is not always easy. There are days filled with helplessness, guilt, exhaustion, and quiet tears that no one sees. 

But there is also gratitude. Gratitude that I still have the chance to sit beside her, listen to her stories, smile at her little quirks, and hold her hand. 

One day, these ordinary moments will become the memories I cling to the most.

And perhaps that is the greatest lesson our parents teach us in the final chapter of their lives. Love is not only about being cared for. It is also about having the privilege of caring for the people who once made us feel that nothing in the world could ever harm us.

Back to the Long Road

 My first blog post went up in 2003.

That feels almost prehistoric in a world where content appears, trends for a few hours, and disappears before the day is done. Sometimes I joke that I'm a digital dinosaur. Maybe I am. 

Over the years, life has changed in every possible way. My children have grown up. I crossed well into my forties with a few more grey hairs, a little more patience, and a much better sense of what truly matters. 

Every now and then I revisit my old posts. Some make me smile. Some make me cringe. I could edit them. I could quietly delete them. Technology certainly makes that easy.

But I won't.

Those posts are snapshots of who I was at that moment. They capture my excitement, my naivety, my certainty, my doubts. They remind me that growth isn't about rewriting the past. It's about acknowledging it.

These days, life is a different kind of busy. Building a startup, keeping a household running, being there for growing children who need you in new ways, and caring for aging parents... each brings its own joys and its own demands. Some days are overwhelming. Some days are unexpectedly beautiful. Most days are a little bit of both.

Social media has changed the way we tell our stories. X, Instagram, LinkedIn... they're all part of our daily lives now. I enjoy them too. But they often ask for quick thoughts, quick reactions, quick applause.

A blog asks for something else.

It asks you to slow down.

To sit with an idea for a while. To tell the whole story instead of the headline. To write without worrying too much about algorithms or engagement. Maybe nobody reads it. Maybe a handful of people do. Maybe years later, I'll be the one reading it again.

And somehow, that's enough.

So I'm returning to this little corner of the internet. Not because blogging is making a comeback. Not because I have all the answers. Simply because it still feels like home.

If you've wandered in, welcome back. Drop a hello and nudge me to keep this going on. 

There will be stories, observations, a little nostalgia, a little humour, and perhaps a few lessons gathered along the way.

Here's to writing again. 

The Illusion of Love

Every Tuesday, Trina brought flowers to work.

Not extravagant bouquets that announced themselves, but small bunches tucked into a clear glass vase. White lilies one week. Pink carnations the next. Once, cheerful yellow tulips that seemed determined to brighten an office lit by fluorescent panels and quarterly targets.

By ten in the morning, someone would invariably wander over to her desk. 

"Fresh flowers again?"
"They're beautiful."
"Where do you find these?"

Trina always looked up with the same warm smile. "They're from the little florist near my apartment."

She never sounded rehearsed, though she must have answered the question fifty times.  

From his desk across the aisle, Shreyas watched these tiny exchanges the way some people watched sunsets. They lasted barely a minute, but somehow managed to leave the office feeling a little lighter.

It wasn't the flowers. It was the ease with which she occupied every space she entered.

---

When Shreyas first joined Arctiq Solutions eighteen months earlier, Trina had been assigned to help him with onboarding.
"Your laptop will refuse to connect to the VPN at least three times this week," she'd said with a grin.

"It already has."

"There you go. You're officially one of us."

He had laughed harder than the joke deserved. Later, he wondered if she had noticed.

Over the next few weeks, he found himself discovering reasons to walk past her desk.

Sometimes he genuinely needed clarification on a project. Sometimes he already knew the answer. She never made anyone feel like they were interrupting her. She listened without glancing at her monitor.

She remembered details people had casually mentioned weeks earlier. 

She laughed easily. When she complimented someone's presentation, it never sounded obligatory.

If someone looked stressed before a client meeting, she'd lean over and whisper something that made them smile. 

There was nothing dramatic about her. No grand gestures. Just hundreds of tiny kindnesses that accumulated quietly.

Or so Shreyas believed.

---

His friends noticed long before he admitted it to himself.

"You're taking the long route to the cafeteria again," Sameer observed one afternoon.

"I'm stretching my legs."

"Your legs only stretch past Trina's desk."

Shreyas rolled his eyes. "You're imagining things."

Sameer took one look at him. "No. You are."

---

The teasing should have embarrassed him. Instead, it gave shape to something he'd been carefully avoiding.  He liked her. Not with the urgency of teenage infatuation. Something gentler.

Something that crept into ordinary days. He found himself noticing details that had nothing to do with work. The tiny silver earrings she wore almost every day. The way she tucked loose strands of hair behind one ear before presenting. The habit of doodling geometric patterns while listening during meetings.

She preferred black coffee. She always removed the lettuce from sandwiches. She never missed wishing people on their birthdays.

He knew all this. Yet he had no idea what books she read. Or whether she cried during sad films.

Or what frightened her. Or what made her angry. 

He mistook familiarity for knowing someone.

---

There were moments that kept the hope alive.

Once, she saved him the last blueberry muffin from the pantry.

"I know you usually come late."  He spent an unreasonable amount of time wondering how she knew his breakfast habits.

Another afternoon, while reviewing a presentation together, she leaned over his chair to point at a chart.

For three glorious seconds, he forgot every word she was saying.

That evening he replayed the moment while brushing his teeth. His reflection looked ridiculous. He laughed at himself.

Then replayed it again.

---

Winter brought annual planning.

Budgets.  Resource allocation. Travel schedules.

Their manager, Vivek, walked into the conference room carrying a printed sheet.

"The Ireland deployment is confirmed."

The room instantly came alive. Two weeks in Dublin to work with the European client. Every engineer secretly hoped for an overseas assignment.

Vivek continued calling out the team.

"Ananya."

"Raghav."

"Trina." Shreyas smiled despite himself.

One more name.

"Shreyas."

For a second he forgot where Ireland was.  He simply knew they'd be spending two weeks together.

---

That evening, Sameer found him reading travel blogs.

"You suddenly seem interested in Irish history?"

"I thought I'd explore."

Sameer peered over his shoulder.

"'Most Romantic Cafés in Dublin.'"

Shreyas quickly switched tabs. "It was...recommended."

"Of course it was." smirked Sameer as he walked away. 

---

The flight was nearly ten hours with a stop in Doha. Trina occupied the aisle seat across from him.

They spoke occasionally. About movies. About jet lag.  About how neither of them had packed enough warm clothes.

Nothing unusual. Nothing that justified the ridiculous optimism blooming inside him.

When the plane finally descended through thick grey clouds, Ireland looked exactly like every postcard he'd ever seen.

Green fields. Stone cottages. Rain.  Endless rain.

"It feels like someone forgot to switch the sky on," Trina said, looking out the window.

He laughed. He had always liked the way she described things.

---

The first crack appeared before they had even left the airport.

An elderly couple stood near the baggage carousel, struggling with two oversized suitcases that refused to come off the belt.

Without thinking, Shreyas walked over.

"Can I help?"

The old man smiled with visible relief.

"Oh, thank you."

Shreyas lifted both cases onto a trolley.

By the time he caught up with his team near immigration, Trina looked mildly impatient.

"There you are."

"Sorry."

"We almost thought you'd disappeared."

"The couple needed help."

She glanced over her shoulder. "Oh."  Then shrugged.

"We should hurry. Immigration queues get horrible."

It wasn't what she said. It was how quickly the moment disappeared from her mind.

Shreyas dismissed the feeling. People reacted differently. That was all.

Or so he told himself.

---

*To be continued...*

Why India Needs Dharmic Museums Now

Museums, for many in the Hindu worldview, have long been viewed with unease, particularly when it comes to housing sacred sculptures and idols. There is a valid concern: should deities, once venerated in temples, be confined behind glass walls as objects of study or admiration? Is it not a form of quiet desacralisation?

But perhaps there’s room for a parallel thought—one that is not in opposition to tradition but works alongside it. In an age where the rediscovery of India’s glorious past is finally gaining momentum, could thoughtfully curated dharmic museums become a bridge between reverence and relevance?

Across India, ancient sculptures, carved Stambhs & Stupas, ornamental pieces, statues of saints and temple remnants are being unearthed almost every week from excavation sites, abandoned shrines, or during civic works. Many are in fragments or disrepair. Many are alankara murtis (decorative idols) not intended as main deities, yet masterpieces of Indic art.   

According to Hindu traditions, once an idol is broken, defaced, or disfigured, it is no longer deemed fit for worship. However, that does not mean it is devoid of value. If anything, these remains are civilisational signatures and quiet reminders of a time when sculptural precision met spiritual depth.

Instead of leaving them to crumble in neglected corners or shipping them to anonymous storage, we can consider a new path. A network of Dharmic Museums that are not just art galleries, but immersive spaces that offer cultural context, scriptural references, architectural insights, and interactive experiences for today’s generation.

Dharmic Museums as Civilisational Anchors: Why We Need This Now

India is undergoing rapid infrastructural transformation. Entire cities are being rebuilt, roads expanded, and new corridors laid. In the process, countless archaeological finds from temple fragments, murtis, to ornamental panels are being unearthed. These aren’t just pieces of stone. They are remnants of a civilisational story waiting to be told. In the rush for modernisation, these precious discoveries risk being pushed into cold storage, forgotten archives, or worse, discarded. Instead, they deserve to be preserved, interpreted, and shared so they become anchors of identity for future generations.

1. Revival Without Replication: Not every town or city will see a temple revival, but they could house a museum that serves as a tribute to the local or regional heritage. These can display regional styles in sculpture, temple layouts, inscriptions, and more.
2. Employment & Revenue: These institutions can create skilled jobs, from conservation to curation, and foster local tourism in smaller towns and tier-2 cities. With India's growing middle class seeking meaningful travel experiences, such cultural centres can become new focal points.
3. Educational Impact: Imagine a schoolchild from Jharkhand or Kanchipuram walking through a gallery that shows the evolution of iconography or temple-building techniques from the 6th century to today, with regional scripts, stories and tools explained in simple terms. It’s not just a lesson in history; it’s a cultural grounding.
4. Spiritual Awareness Without Sectarianism: A dharmic museum honours our traditional past. It can introduce the young to India's civilisational ethos without the filter of Western anthropological frameworks. These can co-exist with temples, not replace them.
5. Preservation of Fragments: With many sculptures unearthed in incomplete or damaged form, creating spaces to restore and display them is both respectful and necessary. A museum allows them to be seen, studied, and appreciated without violating the traditions around worship.

Beyond Worship: Sacred, but Not Forgotten

The Chola bronzes now displayed in museums across the world continue to inspire awe for their craftsmanship. Closer home, the Government Museum in Chennai houses hundreds of temple fragments. Yet many lie in storage due to a lack of space or curation. Recent excavations in Telangana and Tamil Nadu have unearthed temple walls, inscriptions, and decorative pieces that are fragile and need proper conservation.

To Indians, the unearthed murti is not debris, but it is a fragment of lived history, once touched by our ancestors. Instead of dispersing them to general museums or letting them deteriorate, Dharmic Museums focus on regional heritage, can offer a tailored and respectful environment.

A Call to Policy Makers and Institutions

What is needed is not merely state funding but a model of collaboration between archaeological departments, private foundations, local historians, temple trusts, and design experts. These museums can be built using traditional architecture and even double up as learning centres for sculpture, Sanskrit, or temple arts.

There is no need to pit temple restoration against museum creation. The two can go hand in hand—where the temple is a living place of worship, and the museum a centre of remembrance, pride, and learning.

At a time when India is reclaiming its civilisational narrative, creating a network of Dharmic Museums is not just an act of preservation. It is an investment in the cultural capital of future generations.

First published in myind.net