- Swetha Iyer
When a woman marries, she is faced with having to make a decision about her name. That is, should she change her maiden name (her surname before marriage) and if so, to what. But why should the woman be the person to take such a decision?
The idea of taking up the surname of a partner has never pleased my mind. I as a person, have career goals and see myself as a valuable and unique individual. Besides, a woman also goes through the same phases of identity creation right from day one, be it in her school, college, workplace and whereever just like anyother man. She represents a distinct and fights to create her own niche in the world. Why has all this to undergo a sea-change just by marriage? Why this identity-crisis upon marriage?
For some reason, even though it is perfectly legal for a woman to keep her maiden name upon marriage, everyone expects otherwise. And such assumptions never cease to anger me. Surnames are one of the most powerful tools used by patriarchy to deny women not only equal rights but even personhood.
To me the difference is whether the woman thought about the choice--just blindly doing anything is not acceptable. I am also perplexed as to why most people think the father's surname should be used for children when parents have different surnames. Because I hold the radical notion that males and females differ only in their biology and therefore should be treated equally, I think that neither partner should change her or his surname upon marriage, or at the very most both should hyphenate their names. For one to change surname seems to imply that one of the partner has accuquired the other. If both partners contribute equally to raising a child, then the child should share both their surnames.
Women should be more concerned with surnames because names are very important. In many ancient and less industrial cultures names were thought of as having great power. Names may change through an individual lifetime to reflect a person's changes in status, experiences, and skills. Just as first names greatly affect how others feel about us and what we feel about ourselves, surnames establish important relationships that can cause negative or positive impressions.
Once partners changes their surnames they are distancing themselves from their original family ties and from the lives they had before marriage, which is utterly unfair. For some people, changing surnames is an important way to distance themselves from their past or even a way to further show their relationship to their new family. However, the expectation is that only the woman will do this and by this token cannot be seen as anything but societal sexism.
Although I owuld prefer to abstain from adjudicating people who have done things differently, I wish there is more awareness created among women and more woman think & decide for themselves than to blidnly follow tradition.
Think! it makes all the difference.
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